That is not a particularly helpful way to engage with someone explaining what someone put them through.
If she did it doesnt seem like it would have done much to someone in his position, and may have carried risk for her. She doesnt owe us an explanation of how she handled things, regardless of how she navigated it or how it went.
In general when someone is explaining how they were harmed its generally not helpful to intergogate whether they handled it “correctly”. Being a victim or being in a position in life where it is easier for you to be a victim rarely leaves you with many good options, or makes it easy to do things the “right” way
Thank you very much, I really appreciate that. I don’t always know the best way to approach things but I do my best to treat people with the same care I’d want from folks that I’m in community with
Imagine if none of the victims nor their families reported on the Epstein pedophile ring, he would still be on that island trafficking children for sexual abuse to high profile executives to this day. Reporting works and end up in investigations and charges.
Yes, sometimes it does, but seeing as how the Epstein victims paid an incredible price to come forward and still haven’t adequately received justice decades later, even after massive outrage over one of the most well publicized and egregious sexual abuse firestorms the country has literally ever seen, that always has to be victims choice.
When people are harmed by being denied agency, stepping in to demand what they should or shouldn’t do is wrong. They are not obligated to take risks to try and fix someone’s wrong behavior that harmed them.
If I am ever sexually abused I will be doing my best to report it, but this is not my sexual abuse, and it is not my choice how to handle it. Demanding things of victims is innapropriate.
Again, that misses my point. Victims do not owe random people an explanation of how they handled things, and requesting an explanation in response to someone sharing a harm they endured is unhelpful. That is not an indictment of you or your character, it’s just important to me that people be able to express they were harmed without being subjected to questioning for it
Your second use of “him” implies we may be reading the comment differently. If I am understanding correctly they are a woman who was abused by a male superior at work.
Regardless, people do not owe the world perfect victimhood, and whether we treat someone’s statement of harm with compassion should not be predicated on an evaluation of whether they “did things right” in the wake of the abuses they suffered.
Its a vulnerable thing to say you were harmed. Let’s not interogate whether they performed victimhood correctly, and they dont owe us any details one way or another. It minimizes an expression of abuse that is generally not listened to in the first place.
Thought I’d confirm my gender is male and always has been. That was why my high school didn’t intervene or even provide support to me when they knew I was living with my older boyfriend.
I believe that that was why his colleagues at work didn’t think too hard about his email to the team saying he’s off to pick up his boyfriend from high school. Or when I was given alcohol while underage when he brought me to company parties. (the same company I worked at years later and he harassed me at btw)
Apparently, being gay created a kind of shield of deniability, awkwardness and fear that people just didn’t want to deal with. If someone else comes forward and sets things in motion, I will put my hand up to testify. But I’m not going to drag myself through the mud just to re-live all that trauma in hope it may lead to something.
Last thing I’ll say is this. I came from a conservative family, I believe that my family household primed me for exploitation in a number of ways. Low self worth. Lack of agency. Lack of awareness of the world. Even before I moved out, I felt safer in bed with strangers than in the one my parents gave me.
It’s my firm believe that if I’d had parents who accepted me, or at least cared enough to truly look out for me, I wouldn’t have been abused for so many years.
I’m very glad it was appreciated. I try really hard to engage with people in a way that makes them feel respected, especially when it is around someone choosing to be vulnerable.
That is horrific. And yeah, I can absolutely see how that set of starting circumstances in life would make it so much harder to avoid exploitation and abuse. It is such a cruel reality that persistent mistreatment in your early life makes you much more vulnerable to further abuse later on.
I’m sending love. I hope you find the peace, joy, love, and healing in life that every person deserves.
Report them to who? Actual violent rapes get reported to the authorities all the time and never get prosecuted. Plus, age of consent laws vary between states and are often subject to “Romeo and Juliet” laws that take into account the gap between the consenting parties.
I think you may have a misunderstanding of how the legal system operates. They aren’t mandated to investigate and prosecute every instance where someone reports a crime, they get to pick and choose when and who they throw the book at.
Since the majority of authority figures are conservative men themselves, they often will take the side of the young men in these cases and choose to turn a blind eye. So reporting these crimes often ends up not bringing you any justice, and instead you end up being judged by the community for being sexually promiscuous.
That is not a particularly helpful way to engage with someone explaining what someone put them through.
If she did it doesnt seem like it would have done much to someone in his position, and may have carried risk for her. She doesnt owe us an explanation of how she handled things, regardless of how she navigated it or how it went.
In general when someone is explaining how they were harmed its generally not helpful to intergogate whether they handled it “correctly”. Being a victim or being in a position in life where it is easier for you to be a victim rarely leaves you with many good options, or makes it easy to do things the “right” way
Good god this feels like the only place on the internet right now with decent, reasonable, human takes. Thanks for typing this
Thank you very much, I really appreciate that. I don’t always know the best way to approach things but I do my best to treat people with the same care I’d want from folks that I’m in community with
👑
❤️
I hope you have a lovely day my friend.
Imagine if none of the victims nor their families reported on the Epstein pedophile ring, he would still be on that island trafficking children for sexual abuse to high profile executives to this day. Reporting works and end up in investigations and charges.
Yes, sometimes it does, but seeing as how the Epstein victims paid an incredible price to come forward and still haven’t adequately received justice decades later, even after massive outrage over one of the most well publicized and egregious sexual abuse firestorms the country has literally ever seen, that always has to be victims choice.
When people are harmed by being denied agency, stepping in to demand what they should or shouldn’t do is wrong. They are not obligated to take risks to try and fix someone’s wrong behavior that harmed them.
If I am ever sexually abused I will be doing my best to report it, but this is not my sexual abuse, and it is not my choice how to handle it. Demanding things of victims is innapropriate.
that implies kablez did not report him as no one including him came forward
Again, that misses my point. Victims do not owe random people an explanation of how they handled things, and requesting an explanation in response to someone sharing a harm they endured is unhelpful. That is not an indictment of you or your character, it’s just important to me that people be able to express they were harmed without being subjected to questioning for it
Your second use of “him” implies we may be reading the comment differently. If I am understanding correctly they are a woman who was abused by a male superior at work.
Regardless, people do not owe the world perfect victimhood, and whether we treat someone’s statement of harm with compassion should not be predicated on an evaluation of whether they “did things right” in the wake of the abuses they suffered.
Its a vulnerable thing to say you were harmed. Let’s not interogate whether they performed victimhood correctly, and they dont owe us any details one way or another. It minimizes an expression of abuse that is generally not listened to in the first place.
Thank you for writing this <3
Thought I’d confirm my gender is male and always has been. That was why my high school didn’t intervene or even provide support to me when they knew I was living with my older boyfriend.
I believe that that was why his colleagues at work didn’t think too hard about his email to the team saying he’s off to pick up his boyfriend from high school. Or when I was given alcohol while underage when he brought me to company parties. (the same company I worked at years later and he harassed me at btw)
Apparently, being gay created a kind of shield of deniability, awkwardness and fear that people just didn’t want to deal with. If someone else comes forward and sets things in motion, I will put my hand up to testify. But I’m not going to drag myself through the mud just to re-live all that trauma in hope it may lead to something.
Last thing I’ll say is this. I came from a conservative family, I believe that my family household primed me for exploitation in a number of ways. Low self worth. Lack of agency. Lack of awareness of the world. Even before I moved out, I felt safer in bed with strangers than in the one my parents gave me.
It’s my firm believe that if I’d had parents who accepted me, or at least cared enough to truly look out for me, I wouldn’t have been abused for so many years.
🫂
I’m very glad it was appreciated. I try really hard to engage with people in a way that makes them feel respected, especially when it is around someone choosing to be vulnerable.
That is horrific. And yeah, I can absolutely see how that set of starting circumstances in life would make it so much harder to avoid exploitation and abuse. It is such a cruel reality that persistent mistreatment in your early life makes you much more vulnerable to further abuse later on.
I’m sending love. I hope you find the peace, joy, love, and healing in life that every person deserves.
Take care kablez, I hope you have a lovely day :)
Report them to who? Actual violent rapes get reported to the authorities all the time and never get prosecuted. Plus, age of consent laws vary between states and are often subject to “Romeo and Juliet” laws that take into account the gap between the consenting parties.
I think you may have a misunderstanding of how the legal system operates. They aren’t mandated to investigate and prosecute every instance where someone reports a crime, they get to pick and choose when and who they throw the book at.
Since the majority of authority figures are conservative men themselves, they often will take the side of the young men in these cases and choose to turn a blind eye. So reporting these crimes often ends up not bringing you any justice, and instead you end up being judged by the community for being sexually promiscuous.