Hey now, the ancients were ped erasts, not ped ophiles. The fancy term makes it okay!

(Just don’t point out that the difference is that pederasty means same-sex pedophilia. Or do! I wonder how they’d react.)

The character designs would be interesting.

Taft as a mass of corpulent flesh grafted to a living claw-footed bathtub. A tag team against Teddy Roosevelt as an agile melee strongman and FDR backing him up in a Gatling-equipped wheelchair. Andrew Jackson as just some guy with a hickory cane, but with a line all the way out the door of people wanting to punch him in the face.