My fridge doesn’t have an ice machine. However, it does make a hum reminiscent of Hypnotoad. I’ll be lying in bed and picturing:

I was watching a nature documentary last week. Rattlesnakes are some kinky motherfuckers. When the male approached the female to mate, the first thing she did was smack his head around with her tail. Then when it was time for copulation, she wrapped her tail around the male’s penis and dragged him by it to their mating spot.

I once dated a guy who was an extreme sub, who really wanted me to put him in a dog cage while I went off to work (I didn’t do it, I wasn’t ready for that level of kink at the time.) I think he would’ve been down for a rattlesnake-style mating ritual.

Nothing says “feminine” like calloused, working hands and a T-shirt tan from working in the fields all day.

From the photo, it looks like someone used their camera while on the ride. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the real offense. Six Flags has gotten strict about it, there are signs everywhere telling people they’ll get kicked out if they take their phone out on rides.

While waiting in line for a ride last year, my brother and I watched a nearby roller coaster stop just after leaving the gate (while still on the initial incline, where there’s still walkable space around it) and employees escorted some bozo off exactly for that reason. They’re not kidding around.

In the US, even if we buy a second-hand textbook, we still need to pay for the software that goes along with it. We’re scammed either way.