This is based on the marshmallow test. A child is left alone in a room with a marshmallow. If they don’t eat it, they are promised a chocolate bar or something better. The study followed up participants and found that the marshmallow resisters were more successful in life.
Later research has shown that this is just another correlate of wealth. Children with wealthy parents will more likely be in a stable environment where they have access to candy and more likely to trust authority figures to be reliable. They will also, of course, be more likely to get better, stable jobs, and then turn around, like all wealthy people, looking for individual traits that make them deserving of their success, unlike all those short-sighted marshmallow munchers. How are you going to make your first billion by thirty if you can’t even stop yourself from eating a fucking marshmallow for 60 seconds, jesus christ.
While I am a body-positive feminist and think everybody should love the body that they have, I think regulating giant boobs would be a mistake. First of all, it would turn women’s bodies into a legislative battleground, which I don’t think women need more of in our overly-politicized environment. Secondly, there are many horny men who love to masturbate to giant tits, and banning them would drive them into the arms of the right–now is clearly not the time for that. Third, huge knockers create much-needed jobs in the medical industry. Do we really want to take away jobs from doctors and nurses? Fourth, with the declining economy, sex work–whether OnlyFans or direct services–are becoming necessary outlets for many women, are we going to deny them a definite boost to their income? They could also likely apply for handicap plates with these gargantuan breasts, which would save them time getting to their johns from the parking lot. Finally, and most importantly, banning enormous jalopies would just make the left seem more radical, more extreme, and just downright unreasonable, which would hurt other parts of our agenda such as Medicare for All, guaranteed childcare, and subsidizing housing (all of which I also oppose).
Sincerely,
New York Times Editorial Writer