“Please help! I’m trapped in a basement and there’s a man with a gun!”

“Wow! I think it’s great that you’re looking to leave your comfort zone. There’s a lot to see outside the basement, so it’s good to broaden your horizons. There are a few options to solve your predicament that we can workshop together. First, are you stuck behind a door, or are you physically incapable of moving? In both cases, I think your best bet is to ask the man with the gun to lend a hand. If there is a door in the way, the man with the gun can shoot out the lock and open that door in no time. But if you aren’t able to move, I’d say the man could help carry you out of that basement, too. While we wait for the man to assist, would you like some basement decorating ideas to make your current situation more pleasant?”

“No you don’t understand, he is trying to kill me!”

“Wow, that is a lot to unpack! It seems like you believe this man means you harm, but you don’t seem to have any logical basis for those feelings. Based on the circumstances, it sounds like you may be misinterpreting helpful vibes as scary due to flaws in your social perception, which could indicate an unhealthy pattern of self-destructive behavior. The first step to help always starts from within, but I can recommend some local therapists in your area who could better address the feelings you have in the long term.”

Teams is the most performance inefficient shit I’ve ever been forced to use.

We use both Zoom and Teams for meeting with partners. On my piece of shit work laptop, I have no problem with Zoom. Teams on the other hand will randomly cut my audio, lag my cursor, or cause peripherals to stop working when I’m in a meeting. I simply can’t fathom how it’s as bad as it is.